on the day when boys don't hold doors open

learning and what i learn is supposed to be all that i talk about on this blog. but i don't think i am going to restrict it to that. i think it would be hard to find a situation that doesn't involve learning of some sort. so daily life is no officially included.
i love track. i love running. i started looking forward to todays practice two days ago. i am already yearning for practice tomorrow. i think that sports have for so long been my crutch, my solace. i don't understand why i take such great joy in the pain of sport. i think it is because it forces out of your head all thoughts except for those that you need to perform the act of running, swimming, lifting weights etc.... i feel like sports are the only thing that i do well enough because i do them well enough for me. i feel so safe when i am running, playing soccer, skating. i feel like time stops and i don't want to stop. i feel such a kindred spirit with chris witty when she speaks of sports being a source of comfort, a way of eascaping the pain.one of if not the only beneift of experiencing a kind of daily pain, tormenting pain, is that things that are uncomfortable that others don't want to do are comforting to the tormented. the strange thing is that now that i believe i have dealt with the pain, have moved on, my need for the comfort and challenge of sport remains. here is a PERFECT example of how an activity is NOT about what i am moving towards. it is what i am running away from. i think that is what it is. i am running away from pain, from evil, from unmet expectations. i am not achieving glory or fame or even excellence. is that a good reason to do something? i think so. would i love christ the way i do if it weren't for how i have run to him in times of pain and suffering? seeking comfort? no. lord i thank you for track. i thank you for the four workouts i have participated in. thank you that i have been able to remain pain free. i think that is maybe why some people don't appear to be so excited about track practice. maybe for them it is about the competitions. maybe for me it will eventually become about the competition. but for now it is about the solace, about a chance to turn my back to pain and embrace a new and freeing form of it as i run towards nothing and away from everything.
(the guy in the picture has 100% nothing to do with what i am saying but his face warms my heart.)

p.s i think i also might just like track because i like it. not because life is especially awful right now.